A Routine Day

Beatrice Fishback

Jamie, a young wife and mother, stood quietly in the corner of the room where we would soon be meeting for our couple's Bible study. This evening, however, she attended alone. Not because of some disagreement with her husband, Josh. No, as a matter of fact I had recently seen them at the local BX, with their hands interlocked like two high-school sweethearts. Jamie is alone, and will be for several months to come, because Josh is now deployed. She is not unlike many other young adults in this community of U.S. military families here in Europe.

Fortunately, Jamie understands the importance of being a part of various programs, where she gets emotional and spiritual support. She makes an effort to get involved with chapel, Bible studies, and reaching out to others, so she doesn't focus on her loneliness-a loneliness that becomes more evident each time we meet.

But, Jamie not only has to cope with her feelings of isolation, she also bears the daily responsibility of caring for their young sons. Although Jamie is straining under the stress of being by herself she carries a brave face and optimistic attitude.

Jamie and many other American wives and mothers living in Europe, whose husbands are on active duty, deal with an immense range of emotions: fear, isolation, loneliness, and insecurity. Like their counterpart military spouses who live in America, their reality appears only as a newspaper article to the world.

To them, this is daily life. The major difference is that these military families live thousands of miles from parents and extended family. Many live in cultures that are vastly different from the Wal-Mart or McDonald familiarity we take for granted in the United States. Some are living on military installations, but many if not most, live in a local foreign culture.

These families are learning to speak another language and must learn how to read road signs while driving around unfamiliar territory. They are learning to cope with handling different currency and buying products carrying unfamiliar labels. The difference between their familiar life in America and where they now live sometimes appears subtle but can create major frustrations.

If you could take a slice of Jamie's day it would consist of routine moments, not unlike any other mother. It would be filled with children's activities, running to and from school, dashing to the commissary, shopping, and other events demanding her attention.

It's the part of the day NOT like the "typical" mother that sets Jamie and these other mothers apart. These young women eagerly await phone calls from their loved ones; many may not even know which country their active-duty spouses are calling from. The phone call may be the only contact they will have for days or weeks. In this modern era of electronic communication their contact with each other might be through email or even video link-up. But, electronic connection can never replace the warmth of holding a lover's hand.

Perhaps the hardest part of the day for military spouses-whether they are married to active duty members, National Guard, or Reservists-comes in the evening, when the children are asleep, neighbors are tucked in to their own homes, and loneliness creeps in like a dark shadow. It may not be the fact that they will once again climb into bed alone, or that the television has become their sole companion.

That is difficult. But what they dread most is being alone with their thoughts. How could they not possibly think of their loved one? Every evening, news stations march war headlines across the screen with blaring clarity. They worry about the world situation and how it impacts their family. Emotions and loneliness are their reality. Tomorrow will come, and along with it, another "routine day" of military life.

I am amazed at young women like Jamie, and others like her that I have met. Like their grandparents during World War II they are exposed to a world situation that has changed their lives forever. They never anticipated long, and sometimes unexpected deployments; weeks, months, or years spent apart. The U.S. Army is in the midst of its greatest transformation since America's entry into WWII. Today, more than 300,000 soldiers are serving overseas in 120 countries (American Forces Press Service/February 11, 2005).

Each service has its own challenge. The Navy has six-month (and longer) cruises; over 50 percent of Marines are deployed at any one time; the U.S. Air Force is experiencing more frequent, albeit shorter, deployments which are generally unexpected. Those in Europe are now gone from their families for at least a year during a three-year assignment.

It isn't just the statistics, however. It is the day-to-day, individual responsibilities which need to be taken into account-homes still need repairs, cars need to be maintained, the maintenance and upkeep of lawn mowers, computers, or even vacuum cleaners.

Duties normally shared at home now become the sole responsibility of one member of the family. There is a saying which goes, "Everything breaks, everything leaks, everything quits working when a spouse is deployed." Meanwhile the deployed member faces loneliness, deadly danger inherent in war, and feelings of anxiety about a spouse and a family left to fend for themselves.

Yet, I have seen how these young families are coping and I am prouder to be an American today than I have ever been before. A father who served his country for five years, and was awarded the Purple Heart; a father-in-law who served for thirty years and fought in three wars; and, a husband who served his country for over twenty years have gifted me with a deep patriotic bias towards our American military. Our active duty members are among the best in the world, not only because of the quality of training they receive, but because they are sincere in their conviction of duty.

Even more importantly-it is the American military family that is the strength of our nation. Without young women like Jamie and others, who are willing to wait for their husbands to come home, willing to "keep the home fires burning," our military would only be a skeleton-bones with no muscle to keep it moving. We as Americans can and should be proud of our young military families.

After all, they are living in other countries, giving up precious years and memories as families, and some are laying down their lives. All of this in order for us to have the freedom to meet in our homes for Bible studies like the one Jamie attends. They sacrifice this, and more, so that we can experience our freedom in the home we call the United States of America!